and sometimes balloons

To the utter disarray of mankind,
I can only wonder about the difference between art and literature
should there be one.
Pondering the inflow of Idea and whether or not they introduce themselves BEFORE meaning.

In the meantime I'll be the one floating hopelessly through the through the universe (city) probably stumbling over cobblestone and running into brick walls and banging his head against shelves shelves shelves of compact discs.

Besides. I'm afraid of clowns.

amusement parks

Under the pretense that I was alone, I took off into my mind.

I hadn't expected such desolation. But perhaps I should have.

The difference! between fiction and reality is as follows:

It's all relative...

didjadidjadidja

did you find it?
did you find it?

i could go for a hot dog.
or two.
or three.
three hot dogs.
with ketchup.
with onion.
i could go for three hot dogs with ketchup with onions.


i think many people did not. the problem with kids these days is complacency.
taking things at face value. face value. RESEARCH. THINK. EMPLOY. neurons. and. and.
the problem is in: left


or should i quesadilla? not today. tomorrow. yes.
let it be.

please tell me if you did or did not. survey. poll. marketing strategy?
survey
survey
survey

blink

No input file specified.







I've got a secret:
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BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
BlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlinkBlink
That's all you ever do.

big fish eats the little one

There is an old scar on my arm from a bike accident years ago that sent me skidding across pavement. Recently, however, it has become a bit scabby and itchy and I don't know why. So I scratch at it. I scratch at it. I scratch at it. IT begins to peel and I scratch more. It peels away revealing muscle and tendons. Right below my elbow. Tendons right below my elbow. I can't have them just hanging there so I pull them out with the nerves and a bit of muscle in a motion that makes my teeth hurt. Strangely, I can no longer move my right hand but I can still move my left. It's still itchy, so I scratch at it. It comes up like old plaster, the skin, and I'm forced into seeing more and more muscle. These days, small children often stare as I pass on the street. Adults do too.

small arms

I carefully unfolded the map and studied the topography of the land that lay before us. Locating our position, I turned to see two men standing at us, arms outstretched, fingers pointed in our direction. Further inspection revealed that it wasn't their fingers, but instead, guns. Rifles. No, shotguns. They said nothing and as a result, I didn't know what to do. Normally in a situation such as this, the men with guns are the ones to shout directions but today, they only stood at us.

Someday I'd like to know what their intentions were.

Sometimes I just end up feeling lost.

Usually its the times when I don't feel like I can actually express myself.

dime

A realization I've come to is that it is impossible to be recognized for something great if you are afraid of being recognized for something terrible.

It's still something I haven't come to terms with.

guitar pick in mouth

Suddenly it frightens me that I can't make out the doorframe or whether the door is open or closed. To the best of my knowledge, it may not even exist anymore.




If such is the case, I am ill prepared.

completely unedited.

EVERYONE PLAESE TAKE A NUMBER AND HOLD IT CLOSE TO YOUR HEART. THEN WOULD YOU PLEASE LOOK AT SAID NOUBMER AND PLEASE WOULD YOU ORDER OFF BY TWOS. BY TWOS, I SAY. WOULD THE NUMBER ONES IN THE GROUP PLEASE STAKND ANON YOUR HEAD AND WOULD THE TWOS IN THE GROUP APLESASEP. PLEASE WOULD THE NUMBER TWOS IN THE GROUP STAND ON THE FEET OF THE NUMBER ONES. IN THIS WAY I BELIEEVE WE WILL REAHC THE SKY. IN THIS WAY I BELIEVE WI. IN THIS WAY I BELIEVE WE WILL REACH. IN THIS WAY I BELIEVE WE WILL BE ABLT. GAH. IN THIS WAY I BELIEVE WIE. SLOW DOWN MAN. IN THIS WAY I BELIEVE WE WILL BE ABLE TO REACH THE SKY!

black

I heard the sounds of engines humming and they told me to be who I am today.
I closed my eyes to arpeggios lifting me into space.
When I opened them, everything was the same, but, more, open. Open.
I'll curl my lips (down, up) and learn what it means to LISTEN.
To KNOW.
Few people listen and even fewer really know but it's something I'd like to get better at.
We always talk in this state, you and I.
GOD IF ONLY I COULD DO THAT!
That's all I really want.Some things I don't understand:
1. This
2. That
And some other things that begin with those letters.Like telepathy or transcendental meditation or truism or truancy or tarsiers or thimbles.
But the things that I've decided about, I am in favor of. Trust me on this.

quit.syllabic

What I'll never

understand

is just how much effort

it takes to put
on your smile
and pretend to care as

much as you think
I think you
do. Keeping my doubts has

been effective
thus far in
guarding my sanity

and yet somehow,
and rather
unexpectedly, I'm




devastated.

fight club

turning my head, again, i see a flash of shadow evaporate into darkness. again.
i'm getting a bit weary of the constant ducking and dodging of these demons.
if i have something you want,
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ.
Molon Labe.
But they don't. No one comes and no one takes. I am forced to sit and wait for him to sneak across the wall again and when he does, I'll snatch him from his cloak of darkness and reveal the coward for who he is.

don't read this

I thought about this last night and wasn't going to post about it because I thought it was dumb but then today I watched a video with David Lynch and he said the same thing. I think it's a sign to post about it.
Besides. How often have I posted something retarded? (often)
Forget fear.

I thought about what makes me, me. Everything I have is called mine but what actually makes me able to possess those things? My body. My mind. My soul. Myself. No matter what I use, there's always possession taking place. How can I reach the core, ME. I own my body, it is mine. I own my mind. I own my soul and even my SELF. But as David Lynch said, the SELF is the most abstract idea you can come up with. You can't describe the self in any way, shape, or form. It is simply a combination of everything that makes me who I am. But it isn't that. There must be something deeper. Something in the darkest depths of my very being that makes me, Me. To avoid possessive pronouns, it can only be called "Me".
But I can't go any deeper. I can only settle for the abstract image of a self. And I guess I'm okay with that...

some things i like the most

I like hockey the most. And music. The low end of the musical spectrum, especially. I like art the most, in an extraordinarily wide variety. I like the unappreciated things in life. I like the sharing of real thoughts. Real, genuine opinions on things. It actually probably frustrates me the most that people rarely take the time to offer real opinions. Usually in an effort to not offend someone else. I like band shirts and going to shows. I like not being in financial gridlock. I like eating more than once a day. I like going to class but not doing homework. I like my job. I like my cat but only my one cat. I like my house. I like the way you feel somewhat weightless as an elevator stops, as well as the feeling you get when you step off an escalator. I like my mind. I like the idea of insanity. I like thinking. I like talking about thinking. I like dreams. I like being home alone. I like being in the dark. I like watching movies. In the dark. I like having things in common. I like relating to people especially when they think they're unrelatable. I like looking at things. I like static electricity. I like alternative ways of presenting ideas. I like abstract things. I like rain. I like watching snow from inside. I like thunderstorms from inside and outside. I like wind. I like trees. I like architecture and imagining about the people that built it. I like watching people do the things they do. I like wondering about technology. I like generating pictures in my head that make it easier to understand things. I like sounds. A lot of different ones. I like some words too.

it's illegal in real life

The funny thing is what we did prior to the Super Bowl.
Based on worries expressed and words of caution, my family (especially my sister) thinks it was an orgy or a drugfest or some sort of madhouse drinking party.

We played Monopoly.
The kind with electronic banking. Smooth sailing.

Within a short number of revolutions around the board I had wheeled and dealed my way into hotels on the 3rd least valuable properties (a favorite strategy of mine), I had accumulated immunities¹ on all the airports (railroads) and a 4 time immunity on the second most valuable property on the board. I also owned a small number of properties elsewhere, including both of those vicious dark blue properties near GO and had the most cash on hand in the game.

If that STUPID footieball game hadn't begun I could have taken over the corporate world in mere turns!!! TURNS I SAY!


i've always been curiously efficient at that game.

---

1. I like playing grown up because you can add all sorts of fun things into the trading process, such as immunity to rent, profit sharing, payment plans, promissory notes, property loans (with or without accumulating interest), funding, and future considerations. Nothing like turning a children's game into a cutthroat flexing of financial muscle.

Nothing

If there is one thing I've learned it is just
GO GO GO.
Things flow better that way.
Chopin in a wig.
If there is another thing I've learned its that some people just don't get as excited as I do about some things.
View down.

If there is another thing I've learned its that some people just don't get as excited as I do about some things.
View down.

But what do I know?

flies and their predecessors

as for me, I'll sit down and have a meal of artificial mashed potatoes. in the future. i can look forward to something like that. with any luck it will be a sleepless one (night) and I'll get things done. and I'll make that necessary phone call but at a normal time this time i always forget when people are supposed to be sleeping. so I'll make that phone call and then i will watch some television. and maybe even write.
i wonder how many servings my mashed potatoes will be. i don't think i have any salt. i may have butter though. definitely no gravy. certainly no milk. absolutely no steak. or meatloaf. that would be good. if i would stop being interrupted by these [insert word of choice] buzzing noises.
they all come drooling for these things like some dog for table scraps.
TABLE SCRAPS!
maybe i should learn something from them. they seem better off for it.

right align

the real mistake is complacency
unawareness.
watch them. just watch them.
all those people watching you
studying
you
the only true safety is in solitude.
somewhere they won't find you
but they'll find you.

compact discs

The other day I watched a honey bee pilot around my head, which was strange because we are in the dead of winter. Don't they hibernate? Or Die? He navigated the streams of wind with great effort and seeing my outstretched palm, landed on my fingertips. He walked to the center of my hand, raised his abdomen (thorax?)[whatever it is] and dug his stinger into my skin. That dirty piece of

Khaos

Laundry seems to be less of an important priority these days.
I'd rather collect those quarters.
Get a five dollar footlong or something instead.
Or a box of cereal maybe.
Or a whole metric ton of Ramen.
Or Tylenol^®.
Showers still matter.

Potting Legos. 222222222222

Champagne blossoms
grow from a watering
can
filled with red wine.
A cold steel chair falsely
calls
itself comfy
veiled by thin fabric sheets.
Bees!
search for honey
in all the wrong places
In
flowers bees! In
flowers! Not in pop cans.
What
they need is some
life direction. So do
I.

Syllabic Verse #1

Fly Fly Fly
If you catch my drift
You don't. I
need stamps for sending
And tape for
packaging but more
Important
Is an addressee.

Across the
way lives a man in
darkness but
I don't talk to him
(The music)
Heavy on my ears.
A rifle
could be strung but that
may be much...

More importantly
however
is my addressee.
I'll give it
to the man with a
fishbowl where
his head is.

He'll know what to do.

A Penny

Lock and load and discharge.
Sixty-fourth notes or one twenty eighth?
The fact remains an amputee.
Times four.
It's worth the brass.
I'd say.
Period.
What doesn't add up is this and this and this.
I suppose it multiplies.
Where am I?

eating lunch on a cliff

Should I?
Should I? Should I?
Should I?
Should I? Should I? Should I?
If. AND ONLY IF!
In the first place.
Because.
Because.
Because. Because.
The only true statement is that every statement is false.
Effectively falsifying itself.
And.
And.
And.
Me as well.

nonsensenonsensenonsense

Close your eyes. Don't. A man stands in the doorway. He's dressed in a black suit and tie, a bowler on his head, hands straight at his side. The room is completely dark except for a sole lamp to the left of the man, just inside the door. His face is still not visible. The pin-up girl hanging on his shoulder is, though. Straight from the posters. A song is playing. From a phonograph. The man steps into the room and the doorway behind him melts away. With it, the lamp. The phonograph continues to play, echoing light into the room. There are no windows but there is a closet door. Behind the door is a window. But the door is locked. A slug crawls across the floor, leaving slime behind. He's faster than a slug should be. Squinting makes it seem like the slug is writing something on the floor. Un-english. The man gets closer. He is a heavy breather. The phonograph continues to play. A fly buzzes. Slug crawls. Man breathes. Pin-up girl giggles. Phonograph plays. Fly buzzes. Slug crawls. Man breathes. Girl giggles. Phonograph plays. Phonograph plays. Fly. Slug. Phonograph. Man. Girl. Fly. Phonograph. Slug. Fly. Man. Girl. Slug. Phonograph. Scream. Scream. Scream.

again again

When one situates themselves like I have, it's difficult to relate to ordinary members of society. Not to say I have no friends, but rather the ones I do are not well-equipped to understand the full aspects of my conversation. Statically traversing the nation (I thought) I've met any number of people who had the ability to will. Those who wished to go out to entertain ourselves, I would politely decline without disclosing specific fiscal disasters looming ahead. Others would suggest a meal or ask for a bite of food on my person citing convenience. These I would reject or reluctantly oblige, respectively, without suggesting the evidence of three square meals opposed to a humble one. Still others invited me to alleviate struggles by short holiday, whom I would respectfully disagree under the observation of priority. A trail rarely tread, however, stumbles a few understandees who share and relate and make our journey far less isolated. There's only a few now. I can only look forward to my departure as one.

in a nutsh'll

Listen'ng to the eerie and plead'ng sounds of sil'nce I retreat 'nto a state of recluse. Noth'ng to pond'r but the anti-fortun's of our immed'te future one c'n only secede 'nto the e'er-safe confines o' psyche. To a dismay, one c'n conclude o' the pre'nce o' more than a self. Such a realizat'n negates said saf'ty.

gather

please, if you mind, if you will take your ticket to the attendee the usher please allow him to tear from it the important part leaving you with only a stub. please then herd yourselves like cattle.or.sheep. into the therd third therd there theatre on the side you don't write with.FINDASEAT FINDASEAT don't push or shove or cattle prods will be necessary. settle in settle in no eating but drinking is allowed preferably fermented unless you are under the age of you no smoking as to avoid the worst keep hands and arms inside your arm rests and please watch carefully my own my own my own.24.23.22.21.20.19.18.17.16.15.14.13.12.11.10.987654321.

d

e

sc

e

n
t
madnessmadnessmadnessmadness

i can

Its not every day you have Rabbits.

Or parades for that matter.

Even less of the time you have Rabbits and parades and four walls of concrete imprisonment.
But more often you have at least one of those things I said.

rabbits i say'd

if i would were to do that thing i said it would be to that one righhhhht over there. righhhhhht over there. i see you. closest

to me.

right into that thing right there.

farthest from me.

UP!

OVER!

FLY!

FLY!

INTO YOU

THERE!

CRA

SHBA

NGDES

TROY!
but i won't do that. ill just wait patiently.
if it were me saying those things possibly maybe i would do that thing. but its only me.
its not that i'm afraid to d raw roses its only that i m nervous to do.
because

because

because