what do i do now

all existing
ON-WARD
PRO-GRESS
or so it seems
and a sparrow
and a sparrow
spar- me your
curiosity
revelry
an all-american
generosity
(of which i have none)
i'll mix two or three
you will never discover
never surrender
me

today

It escapes me,
the words I
just don't
k n ow
where was i going
with. what?
how do i make you
seaaaa
and fallllll
stop stopstop
STOP
when will i
be
able
you think im trying to be?
im not.
this is not for you.

Mail Mail Mail

snail mail

I got probably the single greatest piece of mail in history today.

And I've gotten some good ones...

Oh God

They are generally social animals.

Complacent Moments, Disrupted

A thousand crows lie in a field,
content with being hidden, alone.
They sit, unbothered, cloaked in wheat,
until a footstep sends them all
in panic towards skies of grey.

this cup

It occurs to me that the touch of bergamot added to earl grey is reminiscent of the light flavor added to the chocolate in those festive chocolate oranges. but more subtle. and amazing.

To Study

I cease to exist in the sense
of existence as You see fit.
I seize my existence in the sense
of existing regardless of
my physically existing in Your
existence.
I extend my existence to an
existing I've never existed and
I retract my existing from an
existence I've (we've) known before.
I must, in iambic (a word I really care to use) pentameter.

Strummer

I love The Clash.
I love them.
God.

fartherrrr

I'm coming as fast as I can.
(I'm afraid that just may not be fast enough...)
(I'm afraid
(I'm afraid

come on micki

An allegory isn't just something you COME UP WITH.
This is insane.

Message to the Gas Company

You're screwing yourselves man. Maybe we were a bit late on the bill, who cares. You think we can't handle the cold? We have a microwave man, who needs the stove. We're from Pittsburgh. We adapt. In the end, you are getting three less days of payment from us. If you had kept us turned on, we would continue racking up the debt. That's out of control man. Simple economics and you screwed up.

And now, we burn them, as well

The ceremony is about to begin.

And no, you can not.

Any questions?

Grocery List: Subject to Limitation of Funds

-Ink well

---Black

---Red

-Fountain pen

-Trainspotting

-Requiem

-Time

-Motivation

-Cereal

-Ranch Dressing

-Aastha

-Rose Tea or something of similar class

-A way out

float

I am unable to do anything productive.

Anything.

It's over.

summary

I have a new use for the word alternative

life in the ffffff

eagles suck it

now when you say dizzzzzy? you mean

i have a feeling i know but i'm afraid to

ask you because you might take it wrong

i'm afraid

i'm afraid that

not many people get what we get

i havent yet decided on this.

i wish i could just find out.

i wish i could just know.

i'm afraid to talk now.

that thing that

It only takes two chords into let it be.

I don't know how I feel about that.

I feel uninspired. This is normal.

I feel lost. This is also normal.

I also feel overwhelmed and somewhat alone.

But the good news is I now know what it means

when someone refers to the notes of a good tea.

Ouch what is that please

I've in my collection a signed first edition of Jim Carroll's The Book of Nods. A good weekend, you might say. This is a man that hung out with Andy Warhol, Patti Smith, Lou Reed, Rancid, Blue Oyster Cult, Ray Manzarek, and ELO. I've something else to say...

Annnnnd

Chicago.

Suck it.

A

I feel distant

and

unable to talk

to

some of my

closest friends.

Oh, forget it.

I'm falling behind

(or do I mean below)

the surface.

Whatever it is,

I can't remember

if its worth it...

Besides, I've got

better things to

worry my time with.

i can't do this

it's impossible.

impossible.

impossible.

impostrble.

i can't do this.

it's impossible.

i can't do this.

it's impossible.

this is

it's impossible.

The Difference?

"Have you ever seen God?"

In the smoke of burning incense

I held my fingers above the coal,

watching its breath dance around

and between my fingers. It hugged

my skin, and you kissed my neck.

The river of smoke touched your

face and you touched mine.

The mist caressed the music

and became one. They waltzed

around the room, covering everything

they touched with the sweet scent

of china rain. You put your arms

around me and asked if

I had ever seen God.

Have I ever seen God?

I have seen the Devil.

moral of today

I seriously love getting postcards.

Once again I am stuck

I...you...

S t

r

e

a

m

of th ou

gh t.

I believe in that.

raw

raw.

I told You I would sleep

but here I am,

(I'm sorry about that)

If I had a choice, I would [never] dis[re]connect.

Or...

you caused this, not them.

I'm not gonna beat around the bush.

I got maced today. Hardcore. Here's the story:

Me and my roommate were checking out the campus. Just wanted to see what was going on, what the protests were about, what people were all up in arms about. Today was really just about the cops being ready and kids being angry that the cops were ready. So many complaining about "its the cops fault. if they werent here, the kids would have nothing to see." Wrong! It's YOUR fault for being here. The cops could be here and you can be at home. No big deal. You are here, standing around, organizing unlawfully, End Of Story.

Anyway, we were standing near Schenley Plaza, Hillman side and the recordings started going. "The chief of police has deemed this an unlawful assembly, blah blah, disperse or action will be taken including..." and so on. There was a riot vehicle with an LRAD mounted on it right in front of us and I was PRAYING they would use it just for a few seconds. No such luck. They told us to leave, I was bored so I told them I lived on Craig and asked how I could get there. The response: "It's too late for that." Ha! We went back around Hillman and Lawrence to Forbes by Hems. There was traffic backed up and a row of police at the front. Some kid steps up to the police and rubber bullets started FLYING. They bounced off everything, I was so shocked I didn't get hit on a ricochet. Moral? DON'T STEP UP ON RIOT POLICE. It's their job. They can not be too careful, you know? Totally justified. A lot more of nothing happened.

So. We decide to hit the road, get home. We have to go around UPMC and up the hill towards the Pete to get home. Outrageously out of our way. At this point we are not allowed to sit around and loiter. Understandable. We pass a group of kids doing just that. As we pass them two cops come down the hill and start spraying mace. I'm like no way and I turn around just as a cop comes up behind me and does a big ole sweep with his canister. Direct hit. (My very first thought as I saw that cloud was OMG YES. is that weird?) I didn't think I got it at first I just kept walking and Frank was in front of me walking normally, I thought he was cool too. Three seconds pass and I'm done. My eyes are shut and my face is destroying me haha. Frank too. Somehow amidst opening my eyes for half a second at a time and holding my hands up yelling "I AM JUST TRYING TO GET HOME" we made it a good amount of the way. A few other things happened but I'm not too worried about it.

Hindsight: Awesome experience. I now know what it feels like.

more to do yet and then again i dont know what it is

I feel insane.

Traa..p

(And he came to a door

and he looked inside)

I want to...

no class

no classes today.

something about

secret service

homeland security

extra police

security checkpoints

world leaders

phipps.

cathedral of learning.

nationality rooms.

jersey barriers.

portable fences.

black SUVs

assault rifles

economics

the state of the environment

and rain.

fff

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

falling.

thats not the word.

what can i tell you?

there's just nothing there.

maybe thats the problem.

there's just nothing.

there's just...

(lllife)

but with life comes

Sending a Letter

It sits on my desk, stamped and addressed,
waiting to hear your reply. I pace and obsess,
exhausted and stressed, for forgiveness or
a final goodbye.

The thoughts still persist, (although I resist),
what exactly your silence implies. I ball up my fist
at the chaps you have kissed, in response
to my ignorant lies.

My stomach is churning, my tongue is still burning,
as days and then months filter by. Though the thought is concerning,
I think that I’m learning, it may not be
worth it to try.

And so standing, convicted, your ghost is evicted,
I burn up your letter and sigh, no longer afflicted
and just as predicted, I knew you
would never reply.